The Chase, Pt. 2

In the previous post, we said that we are consumed with the pursuit of what we think will satisfy us. When we catch the thing we are pursuing, often times we find that the pursuit and the thrill of the catch was more exciting and enjoyable than the possessing of the object of our pursuit.

The post concluded by saying that this is often a problem for men in relationship with their wives / future wives, and that there are two underlying problems if you are one of these men:

1. Your pursuit of your wife was/is the primary pursuit of your life

2. You misunderstood the goal of your pursuit of a wife

The first problem is rooted in the fact that no object of our pursuit, no matter how moral, noble, or virtuous it may seem, can satisfy the ultimate desire of our hearts to be satisfied in God alone. Our hearts’ desire for satisfaction is unquenchable outside of Him who is infinitely satisfying. Psalm 16:11 says of God, “In Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever” (emphasis added). That is to say that, in God, joy is not left wanting or lacking, and in Him alone dwells satisfaction that is not fleeting. When we do not believe that, we pursue satisfaction outside of Him.

Just as we pursue what we think will satisfy us, we make what we think will satisfy us most our primary pursuit. So, if as a single man you thought that marriage was the end-goal and marriage would solve the longings of your heart, you made getting married your primary pursuit. The pursuit distracted you from your deeper need to be satisfied in God, and once you got married and you realized that everlasting, full joy could not be found in your wife, you place above her another pursuit that you think will satisfy you.

That your wife could not meet your deepest need or satisfy the longings of your heart is normal – she was never meant to.

God is the only one that can bear up under the weight of our unquenchable desire for satisfaction and joy. God alone can satisfy the deepest longing of our souls and yet do so in a way that leaves us thirsting for more of Him. Ultimately, pursuing Him is the only pursuit that will not leave us disappointed or with joy that is fleeting, and yet because of the infinite nature of the joy found in His presence, our satisfaction in Him does not remove our desire to pursue – it warrants further pursuit!

Also, when our souls are satisfied in Him who is infinitely satisfying, it frees us to pursue the things that He gives us to pursue for His sake. The pursuits that God gives will, as a way of life, enhance our pursuit of Him and will satisfy us to the extent that they keep Him as the ultimate reason for the pursuit. When searches for satisfaction have anything else besides Him as their ultimate object (i.e. pursuing a wife ultimately for your sake and not His), the result is idolatry that is ironically unsatisfying.

So many men feel a temporary joy from pursuing a woman and beating out every other guy that was vying for her affections, but after they win her hand in marriage, the excitement dissipates. If that’s your story, rest assured that your primary problem is that you were (and may still be) looking to her to satisfy your desire for love and joy that can only be satisfied in Him who IS love and in whose presence there is fullness of joy (1 Jn. 4:8; Ps. 16:11).

But you may have also misunderstood the goal in your pursuit of your wife, which is what we’ll talk about in the next post ...