The Chase, Pt. 3

In yesterday’s post, we talked about the fact that we make what we think will satisfy us most our primary pursuit.

If we mistakenly pursued a wife thinking that marriage would ultimately satisfy us, it left us wanting like pursuits for ultimate satisfaction in things that aren’t God always do. The ultimate need of every man is to pursue fullness of joy and satisfaction in daily communion with Jesus Christ and then to let his other pursuits grow out of that one pursuit that will always satisfy him.

But you may have also misunderstood the goal in your pursuit of your wife, which is the topic of this post.

We mentioned that many men feel like the pursuit of a woman is over once they have "caught" her and married her. Marriage was the goal, and they arrived at that goal; therefore, the pursuit is over. Mission accomplished. But their desire to pursue is not satisfied, so they go looking for adventure in other pursuits. But what was the goal of your pursuit? A marriage? Or a wife?

The choices may seem similar, but they are infinitely different. While no man would say that all he was after was a marriage, when he stops pursuing his wife, the message that he sends to her is that he has conquered her and is now moving on to pursue other adventures.

It doesn't have to be this way - nor should it be.

The call of God on every husband is for him to love his wife “like Christ loves the church” (Eph. 5:25). That is the goal - to love her like Jesus loves His bride. That means all the time. That means when she doesn't deserve it. That means that in any and every season, in any and every circumstance, you lovingly treasure her, explore her, and pursue her until the day one of you dies.

If that seems impossible, it is because it is.

That is, it is impossible apart from Jesus being that kind of husband in you. Jesus is the only one capable of being a good husband in you - capable of serving, loving, and wooing her when you're tired, when it's inconvenient, or when you're busy. You must throw yourself in dependence on Him, pursuing Him through His Word and seeking Him in prayer so that you might decrease and He might increase (John 3:30).

Do you see how the solutions to the problems fit together? You will never be infinitely satisfied by pursuits that aren't Jesus, but your pursuit of Him will enable the second greatest pursuit that He gives you to enjoy - your pursuit of your wife.

When you believe that you will find ultimate satisfaction in God alone, you will make Him your primary pursuit. When He becomes your primary pursuit and you stop looking to your wife to meet your desire for ultimate satisfaction, your marriage will become less about you and more about her and "us". You will be free pursue her in loving obedience to your greatest desire - Christ Jesus - and He will enable to you pursue her like He pursues us. In the first pursuit, you get Jesus. In the second pursuit, you get to show your wife what He's like - helping her to fall more in love with Him (and you) in the process.

For the glory of Christ in our marriages and all who look on them as parables of His great love,

Ben